Ghost Story

(This short story was my entry to a contest announced at my office in 2006. Unfortunately, the results were never declared, and I don’t know how good this story was compared to other entries. Lest it slips out of anybody’s memory, I thought of posting it here. Let me know if you like it…any other feedback is welcome too!)

Have you come across a “silent killer” – one who kills you just by being silent? Well, I am one. At times, I remain quiet for so long that the intensity of it all leaves me with a feeling of attempted-suicide! By the way, I also have this shabby habit of talking too much about myself whereas this story is supposed to be all about something more profound and important. So please pardon me for any such excesses while I assure you to do my best to keep the narrative on track whenever it tends to veer off the course!

Till about a year back, I used to be one of those unfortunate bipeds whose love life is as barren as a glistening-white-bald-head. And this is when she came along and her arrival brought the much-needed hair to my head. Oops! I meant, “color to my life.” But am yet to figure out what is that in her which swept me off my feet. Though she worked for a different unit and we had nothing in common between us officially, there wasn’t a thing that could hold back my urge to cross her path – literally! And she managed to bail me out of my silent-killer-instincts too.

Let me place on record, my heartfelt thanks to the chap who conceived the plan to put the photocopier next to my desk. Or should I thank my boss who placed me next to the photocopier? I can hear my inner voice telling me that such philosophical treatises are best discussed elsewhere, so lets carry on. This strategic placement of the photocopier next to me (or me next to the photocopier, depending on how you see it) gave me abundant opportunities to ogle at her. When she walked by, people often caught me with my eyeballs popped out and tsunami-sized waves inside my wide-open mouth, which seldom failed to moisten my shirt! It resembled those rare occasions when insightful thoughts strike scientists to come up with great discoveries. And I could not dodge these streaks of lightning for too long – for these were the instances, which helped me discover the true use of a necktie. Am sure no one else would have washed his neckties more often!

With time, when my moral fiber got the better of me, my colleagues could see me at the photocopier whenever she was there. But I never gave an opportunity for anybody to doubt my intentions; for I always managed to carry whatever piece of paper I could lay my hands on. Only on two occasions did I commit a faux pas: once I found myself photocopying a tissue paper and on another occasion, a blank sheet of paper! At all these times I would strike a conversation with her and would be on cloud nine immediately thereafter. I would understand the frivolous nature of what I spoke, only when attempting to relive that glorious moment. This went on for a couple of months before I gathered the courage to call her out for lunch – that Saturday, with my team of course! When she agreed, I set my virtuoso brain instantly at work: I confessed to my team that I was in love with her and that I wanted to convert this lunch in to a date. So I requested them to forget that they were not supposed to bring lunch that Saturday. My lovely team immediately gave its assent. On the D-Day I told her that all my team-members, except of course me, had brought lunch and whether she would mind accompanying me for lunch. She thought for a moment and said we could go. It would suffice to say, “I had never felt happier.” This concise expression will also help in containing the length of this story! It was an occasion to remember, at Pizza Hut. We ate for RS 280.75 (inclusive of taxes.) And I tipped the bearer wholeheartedly for his riveting slow-motion performance.

After a few weeks, I had to resort to a similar trick to take her out for a movie. Only that it rained heavily and her mom wouldn’t let her go. So I was left sweeping the entire house with my long face that day. In fact, my neighbors were seen queuing up outside the house soliciting my services to tidy their houses! Fortune knocked at my heart again. Once when she was climbing down the stairs at office, she tripped and fell. This left her with a minor cut in her forehead. Repeat: MINOR cut in her forehead and there was nothing to worry. But this would not stop me from displaying my chivalry. I took her to the nearby clinic and was with her the whole day – to hell with work! I then hired a taxi and dropped her at her residence. This way I also got to enter her mother’s (my potential mother-in-law!) good books. All through this episode, I ensured that nobody else got any chance whatsoever to share this limelight with me.

Six months ago, all of us from office, visited Pondicherry. I was totally enthused the previous day and was in high spirits throughout – here was an opportunity to spend ample time with her. But misfortune struck and the trip started on a very sour note for me! I found her deeply engrossed in a conversation with another guy. How I hate these vultures! She wouldn’t turn this way or that and didn’t even bother to acknowledge my presence, as though I were a nauseating worm. To take whatever wind was left, out of my sails, the guy too acted like he was another Arnold Schwarzenegger. I was so hurt that I felt like a flat tyre.

I decided to avoid her altogether throughout the trip. And guess what, I managed to live by this supreme objective in life. I even saw her trying to talk to me a couple of times that day, but I ensured that there was no room left. On our return journey, she was almost on the verge of tears and asked me why I was acting funny! Seizing the opportunity, I professed my love for her. But the multitude of my feelings failed to impress her. She just said that it would not happen. I didn’t believe her then, but she has been proved right today!

I am celebrating my first “love anniversary” today. I first saw her last year, on exactly the same day. How fast time flies! And without me realizing it, my love for her seems to be expanding to fill time apart from my life. All through these 365 days, only once have I managed to articulate my feelings to her, despite plentiful attempts. Each of my failed attempts to express my love resembled those familiar instances where nature calls you at breakneck speed but your zip fails to co-operate. That mysterious force never failed to interfere and stop me on my tracks. Finally, I realized the purpose behind this force, today.

It’s a Sunday and we have planned to go to Mayajaal. There is, as usual, no good movie to watch. And the facilities at Mayajaal are far from attractive. But that doesn’t stop us Chennai-ites from frequenting this place! Thirteen of us are packed in to three cars. And the journey of my lifetime begins. She is in my car, but at the backseat. Fifteen minutes in to our journey, I am asked to stop the car near a departmental store, so we can buy some munchies to nibble. It turns out to be a fun-drive as we do a lot of loud gossip – one never gets to do this at office. It is a laugh riot in here with everyone trying to imitate their bosses and colleagues, and describing hilarious situations at work.

I drive for another twenty minutes when we see a roadside vendor selling tender-coconuts. I am again asked to stop the car. I ask them all to get off and start drinking, as I need to go a little further to park the car in a shady corner of the road. While parking I accidentally hit a small branch jutting out of a tree. I immediately reverse the car a little and get down to see if there has been any damage. Now my car is right across the road with its tail just inside the dividing yellow line. I survey the car closely for any damage. There is not much traffic now, as it is still early in the day. All I can see is a bus, at quite a distance, coming toward Chennai.

I can hear her bellowing my name. She is asking me what I am up to. I tell her “Carry on! I will be there in a minute.” But she ignores and starts walking toward me. I am glad at this and decide to park the car and join her quickly. I imagine the both of us walking together, hand-in-hand. I am sure nothing else can make me prouder. I open the door and just then there is a loud thud. My car starts rotating in its place and in its first spin, the top of the car hits me on my jaw and the bottom hits my body. This impact throws me off my feet and I am air-borne. At this moment in time I catch a fleeting glimpse of her figure running towards me. I am unable to hear anything but I can make out that she is yelling something. The rest of them are a little farther away and so I can’t see them. I finally land on my back – my head hits the road first. She reaches me in no time and attempts to lift me. As she is unable to, she calls out for help. She tells me that the bus that I had seen coming, had accidentally hit the tail of my car. Then, she tells me that she purposely left the group to join me. I gather all the energy that is left in me to ask her “Why?” She simply says: “To tell you that I love you!”

This is the last thing I learn. That she loves me. Love is all about being there when the other person needs you. And she has done just that. With that – her first and last act of love – she has proved her love for me. Our love story has just begun. My love is all about being there for her when she needs me – it doesn’t matter that I am only a ghost.

I am more than just a ghost – I am her guardian angel.

Honda and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance

I own a Honda Unicorn. Overall, it is a good bike. It has an innovative (at least in India!) rear suspension instead of the traditional shock absorber. In terms of mileage too, I get a good deal from this bike. However, the after sale service support provided by Honda dealers is pathetic, to put it mildly!

I bought this bike in April 2005, from Didar Motors in Mount Road, Chennai. I made a hundred percent down payment, fearing any trip to the famed RTO’s of India. (If I take a loan, on completion of the loan, I will have to run from every pillar to every single post at the RTO and grease every palm along the way, just to remove the hypothecation!) However, it took Didar Motors an unbelievable 9 months to locate all my papers (RC, Insurance, Road Tax Certificate etc.) and hand over to me. This after I started literally screaming the hell out, at whoever was manning the reception desk at Didar Motors, during my multiple visits.

The first few months went without any issues. Then I started having problems. The speedometer and fuel level indicator wouldn’t work. When I complained to the engineers at the service center, they fixed it, but it lasted for 3 to 4 days at the maximum. But the worst part was that they would always outsource the activity of tightening of the screws to me! Whenever I came across some unusual noise emanating from my bike, I would look all around and figure out that some screw was not tight and do it myself. By not tightening the screws, the Honda service center guys excelled in screwing up my bike! This was not an exception, but a mandatory routine that seems to have given them unlimited joy.

To add to my woes, they would give the indicator beeper a thorough water wash to ensure that it never beeped! After two futile attempts at getting the beeper rectified, I threw them off for good. Through this novel method, I ensured that there was one part less for the service engineers to screw up! This must have left them fuming, for when I went back to them the next time, they retained my bike for over a week. The complaint this time was the dysfunctional front panel. Neither could I know the fuel level, nor the speed. Besides, the indicator lights wouldn’t blink. The horn wouldn’t, make any noise! They said this was some electrical problem and had entrusted my bike with an enthusiastic young man, who was a self-confessed “expert” in electrical issues. He “worked” on my bike for about 4 days and finally told me that he had more or less fixed the issue and now there was only a 50-50 chance that the problem would recur. So much for an expert’s contribution!

But the funny thing was that the problem resurfaced the same evening that I took delivery of my bike. I went back to Didar again and abused the “expert” with the most “diplomatic expletives” possible. He felt bad. I felt bad too. He promised to fix it, but delivered exactly the same result. This made me lose all hope on Honda service center. There is a bike mechanic who attends to small problems in my friend Arjun’s bike. (Incidentally, he too owns a Unicorn and as you must have expected by now, he too faced similar problems with the Didar service center.) I called this bike mechanic and asked him to fix the problem. He checked the bike and told me that the battery was in its deathbed and he would fix it by the same evening. And he delivered as promised. The issue was that battery was low and needed to be recharged. But the Honda guys treated this as an electrical problem. A wrong pill for the right ailment – just like most doctors do!

You think all my issues were over with this? Well, think again! The mechanic is a roadside fellow and the quality of his work was just that – shoddy. Though he fixed the problem, he created a couple of more problems for me. After his service, I could find that the noise levels had gone up in my bike. Even a small bump on the road, would ensure high decibel rattling noises. This forced me to go slow on my fast riding habits – you call it a blessing in disguise, if you want. But it was a major irritant for me.

This was when I heard about the Castrol Bikezone. They were advertising that they took care of bikes like children! Thought I did not completely trust this claim, I was sure that nothing could be worse than the service levels at Didar. So I went to them on 19th April 2007. (Asterix Moto Care, No. 127, Valluvarkottam High Road, Nungambakkam – Invoice No. INV/07-08/153 Dated 19/04/2007 – Job Card No. JOB/07-08/3757) I went for a Gold Service. The only complaint I made was about the rattling noise. They asked me to take delivery of my bike the same evening. This I did after paying RS. 839.00.

True to my small expectations, they had not fixed the rattling noise issue, properly. For when I did a test drive, I found everything to be okay. May be it was because I did not manage to find as many bumps on the road, during my limited test drive. Bottom line is that the noise came back to haunt me that same night, when I was riding back home from office. I was completely frustrated and did not know what to do. But I didn’t know at that time that this was only the tip of the iceberg!

I learnt to live with the noise. In fact, I forced myself to like it and enjoy it. As I was getting used to the existing noise (or noises!), every new week brought with it some new tones. With time, my bike started resembling a toddler’s toy whose principal aim is to attract attention by making noise. This was when I became a little adventurous and tried to figure out the multiple sources of this noise and tried to fix them indigenously! This method only meant more thrills and spills for me. For I found out during my routine (it became a routine!) inspections that one or the other screw was left loose. So these experts from Castrol Bikezone too excelled in the art of not tightening the screws! Besides, one of these close inspections revealed that most of the interior parts including the one covering the chain was full of scratches & dents – this put paid to their claim that they took care of my bike like a baby! But the worst (or should I say ‘best’?) screw they left loose was the one connecting the exhaust pipe to the engine. This became very loose one fine day, and I started attracting maximum attention on the roads, by virtue of my bike making the noise akin to an aircraft. That night I was totally frustrated. But when I woke up the next morning, I was fresh and pretty sure that this would be a minor “screw-up” and that I could fix it by myself. With this renewed hope and vigor I inspected every part in the bike. This is when I found the exhaust pipe hanging loose from the engine! I was totally flabbergasted and didn’t have words to express my shock. Could it get any worse than this?

Now, I am in a fix. I am not at all sure, whom to go to for my next service! I guess it is better to go back to Didar – after all, the damages they did over 2 years, are very minimal compared to the damages inflicted by Castrol Bikezone in its maiden attempt!

On Wit & Wisdom

“Wit & Wisdom” happens to be the title of my first book (well, at least my first attempt at writing a book)! This was during my college days. I filled up quite a lot of pages then. But unfortunately, couldn’t carry on with the project at that time. Things happened and I had to shift focus midway. After a rather long hiatus, am now making a conscious effort to kick start the project. Am in the process of developing ideas for my first book. To this end, I am drafting an “approach document.” May be I shall publish that too, very soon!

I am at a critical juncture in my life at the moment. On the personal front, I just got married and am settling down in to a family life. And on the professional front, am changing jobs and will be joining a financial services company on 1st June. So these are exciting times for me. Am getting a lot of fresh insights, that were hitherto unavailable. Am also getting a lot of time to read and enrich myself – as this is the best preparatory ground for a solid writing instinct in the future. May be the countdown has already begun and the launch is not far off!